A Suitcase Cover Turned Into A Top, post 252

I found a suitcase cover inside a suitcase. I had bought two or three and the cover either covered the suitcases outer picket or was the wrong size or the holes for handles did not align. I took it out of the plastic bag and removed the cardboard shaper like the sort you find inside shirts bought folded, to save weight. Now, I thought, I can use it. But putting it on a suitcase was a conundrum. Which way up? Which side is the hole for the handle? DO I slide it down or leave the suitcase horizontal on the bed or floor? Eventually I gave up. Now what to do with it as the suitcase was shut and the zip was ready to burst. It looked like a top! I could wear it. Which was round. Either way. It was nearly midnight and I had spent all day packing enough items for six suitcases into three. I put it on. It did not hang right. But most people at airports look like they are wearing outfits constructed from voluminous fabric cut to cover deckchairs or as skimpy underwear. This week I have seen outfits which have holes all over held across one shoulder,  sarongs around the neck as if they are naked wearing a bib, and near swimming pools thongs which look like sutures for haemorrhoids. Nobody is interested in my outfit. They are too busy advertising Hard Rock Cafe on a tee shirt or making witticisms in mi-spelt English or foreign languages.