Weddings, Traditional Or Modern - What to Wear, and Not Wear!
What The bride Wears Is Different
At a wedding the VIP is the bride. Whether you are the family of the bride and groom, or a guest, you do not outshine the bride. She is the VIP.
She is identifiable. The ceremony involves her. The purpose is for everybody to know that the couple are a couple. (Hence the reading of the banns, like banners, broadcasting the information for three weeks in advance in a church, so that anybody knowing of a previous marrage or engagement can object and reveal this to prevent bigamy.
The master of ceremonies, and the venue managment, need to be able to find the bride and groom to get them standing in the right place to walk into the room to a fanfare, or to stand at the head of the line to receive the incoming guests.
Why Announce A Forthcoming Wedding?
The famous case of a marriage being announced, and prevented, occurs in Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. Shock. Drama. Unusual event.
But bigamy still occurs nowadays. I read about a case yesterday, writing this on Monday, Jan 20 2025. The case was in the daily mail online yesterday, Sunday.
Why White?
So, all must be public. The bride, on her wedding day, is in a conspicuous colour, a different colour, white.
White, more than a century later, is still the popular colour in the UK and many other countries. This colour was made fashionable by Queen Victoria's daughter at her wedding.
The groom and mother of the bride wear other colours. The ushers and bridesmaids wear co-ordinating colours so you can identify them if you need directions to the seating at the ceremony and introductions to the bride and groom and their parents and family and friends.
The Veil
To make it clear that the bride is the bride she may add a veil, optionally over her face, during the procession to the altar.
If you can afford it, and want it, you can wear a long train. Not necessary, nowadays, unless you are the queen-to-be, and fear that nobody will notice you. More fabric, more expense, more drama, slows down her pace, requires attendants to carry it.
The Train
The dress train is grand for the arrival. It needs to have a loop at the end for her finger to lift it in the air, or over her arm, or be removable. Why? So she can easily walk around greeting all the guests during dinner. So that she can dance, later.
Also, so she can get into a toilet cubicle. The alternative is for her to have a bedroom suite with a large bathroom in the hotel where both the ceremony and reception take place. Or not drink all day, not before the ceremony, so she does not need to go to the toilet. Even if not eating or drinking, she needs to clean her teeth first thing in the morning, and later use breath mints, in a pocket or tiny bag, or held by the chief bridesmaid or matron of honour.
Red and Alternative Colours
Chinese brides wear auspicious (lucky) red. In the orient white for purity is used for funerals, therefore brides wear other colours and other oriental weddings
Black
Black is usually reserved for funerals. At one hotel I visited for a funeral tea, a funeral and wedding were in rooms nearby each other, with the same entrance. But you knew if you were in the wrong room, as I was on arrival, and on returning from leaving my coat in the cloakroom, because one room had the entire group wearing black, whilst the other room had a bride in white under a flower arch.
My dream as an etiquette expert was to go on TV and gasp that a bride should not wear black. I did not think that there would ever be a bride in black, nor that I would have the opportunity to comment.
I accompanied my husband to Australia where he was on business. The hotel where we stayed in Sydney had a Wedding Fair. I was promoting my book How To Be A Bridesmaid on the radio and TV.
Most of the isitors to the show were brides, or occasionally, mothers or sisters or friends of brides. I paused at a wedding video stand which played a clip of a wedding ceremony, to see if weddings in Australia were different to weddings in the UK.
The forthcoming lady selling the services immediately asked me, "Can we help you? When are you getting married?"
I apologised. "Sorry. I won't be needing your services. I am the author of a book on weddings and I'm on TV tomorrow and I'm looking for ideas."
Her reaction was like the second salesman in the old joke about selling shoes to Africa. You may recall, the first salesman telegrams, "Returning to base HQ imediately. Nobody here wears shoes." The second sales person telegrams, "Staying here permanently. Nobody here wears shoes. Send fifty thousand pairs immediately."
She asked, "Can you mention me?"
I shrugged, reluctant to be totally negative, "Only if you had something unusual, like a bride wearing black."
She yelped excitedly, "I do. A bride and bridesmaids, all in black!"
I was puzzled. "You are going to create a video? We don't have time, my interview's tomorrow, and I'd have to ask them today, to be sure there's time for your clip."
"I've already got it on film."
If I remember rightly, she said was a girl who ran a company making designer dresses, evening dresses, so they were her staff, all in black, showing off her creations. More as publicty for the little black dress, than just to be different.
For the average person, this would not be suitable. You could be mistaken for a funeral. Or a bride who hated her husband-to-be. or a blind bride making some kind of point about colour and sight not being important.
Multiple Dresses
The Japanese have another system. I've heard of brides wearing white for the wedding ceremony, then changing into a going away suit for the plane, at the end of the reception. Or abandoning the train and adding a white and colour jacket or coat or bolero for the evening.
Fashions vary, not just by country, but over time.
WW2 Weddings
In wartime Britain, my mother had two weddings. The first was at a register office near the RAF base where her husband to be was stationed before being sent to El Alamein, where he died the year before the decisive battle won by the Allies.
Her second wedding, to my father-to-be, as she was a widow, was in a suit which could be worn again. White in those days was, like all new fabrics, in short supply.
You could re-use white silk from torn parachutes. But with a first husband having not survived in a plane, that would not have been a happy choice.
Instead my mother wears a suit with a corsage, (flower arrangement pinned on the shoulder of the suit jacket.
The groom wear a black top hat.
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