Undress Of The Day, For Weddings, Dances And Events post 676 by Angela Lansbury

 My mobile phone keeps showing me sets of three dresses on Facebook, some worn by models, four dresses, or occasionally two dresses, worn by tall models, mothers of bride or groom, bridesmaids or other guests. Sometimes barrel shape bodies or pregnant. The text implores - help me choose A B C or D.

Let's start with colour.

Black Tie

At a formal wedding the man wears a black tie, and a black suit. 

The bride wears white. Not black! That's for funerals. 

SLIT AND SLUT

Cleavage

Sometimes two or three dresses or all of them are slit from the cleavage to the waist.

You can wear a V neck without showing cleavage.

Kate and William, in their wedding clothes.

Thigh Slits

Sometimes two dresses, in 2025, three or all dresses are slit from the ankle to the waist on one side. 

Yes, it enables you to walk or dance in an absurdly revealing, tight dress. A bottom-hugging obscene dress, which makes your bottom stick out behind, and your tummy stick out in front. And your wide hips look fat, if you are not stick thin like the model.

My thoughts on the latest set, 'looks like the wearer is already half undressed. And keen to jump into bed with anybody of any sex.'

Yes, actress Julia Roberts wore a sexy dress in the movie Pretty Woman. She was playing the part of a ... 

Jackets Needed

Sometimes so-called wedding dress samples, all are strapless. I rarely see one with a matching jacket.

Other bridal party members or guests ask. 'What will I do outdoors if it is cold?' Wear which dress?

If you are having a dress made by a dressmaker, get a matching jacket. 

Or buy spare material, Oversew the edges by hand to make a wrap. Hold it in place with a gold colour brooch with mock pearls.

The bride to be is imploring help on everything. She seems to not know that black tie does not mean that women dress in funeral black. That you cannot dance, nor walk down the aisle safely in a floor length dress and pointed toe shoes. Nor get into a toilet cubicle, or the back seat of a car, or a plane seat.

Am I the only person who frowns at absurd gowns? No. I am relieved to read comments which agree with mine.

NONE OF THESE DRESSES!

The bride is imploring help.

I am glad when I see somebody else is forthright enough to say 'none of these'.  Or, 'Keep looking'.

Sometimes the bride is still undecided the day or night before. Indecisive ENFP type? Yes, that's my type on the Myers Briggs scale. Amazing that she has agreed to the wedding date and which man should be the groom.

On the other hand, some brides order umpteen dresses, intending to post them back. Maybe order another set of four from the same or another supplier.

ORDERING MULTIPLE DRESSES - NO!

Some of the brides or guests say they intend to return three of the four dresses. If they have four catalogue pictures, I understand. If the wearer tried on four in the shop and took selfies, great idea. Tried on and photo, YES.

As for people who have plenty of time to shop, but ordered four dresses with the intention of returning three, that seems totally unfair on the business. If you are planning months in advance, pick one and if you don't like it, change it for the second. The dress does need to allow you to put on weight, especially if already pregnant, or to eat at your own wedding without bursting at the seams. Maybe a set of double buttons at the back? Lace up sides or back, under a jacket?

Even if you are paying postage, it seems a waste of business time, and transport costs and environmental waste of resources to return three dresses.

What do you think?

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